A diffrent kinda happy.
August 4, 2010
It’s just too bad that you’re attached. To four years of relationship. N I’m playing with fire when I wanted to date u. Our meetup became like a secret rendezvous n u told ur boyfriend that u’re hanging out with ur colleagues. Our feelings are both mutual. n rather u hurt ur boyfriend, you choose to hurt me instead, afraid of losing him. We can’t be friends. I wanted to lose u badly so tt I won’t fall deeper n hurt myself further. N its just eating me up gradually. But knowing tt I can find solace in you, I choose to meet u at least once a week. Its wrong, but I feel like myself n happy when I’m with you, a feeling I grew detached to before this.
My bday falls on d same wk as ur boyfriend. U’v bought a lovely present for me, something u know I’ll use. U bothered to know what I like n what I don’t. You surprised me with a cake I love d most. N u choose to come to meet me when the day was your boyfriend’s birthday.
But it bothered me knowing ur attached to ur boyfriend. Often the time, I looked at you in d eyes wanting to tell u that I can’t do this, us. But I kept silent. U know this was bothering me, but saying sorry doesn’t resolve anithing.
I always adviced me friends when they have problems in their relationships. But me, I’m screwed n fucked when it comes to my love life. I always seem to grow attached to the wrong person.
“I love you”. Words tt I want u to know. But it just can’t escape my mouth. Knowing it will never happen.
I am hurting myself so badly.
